WHAT’S YOUR SIZE?

The first time I was ever described as small in my entire life was by my friend; Ope.
We were in SS2 or SS3, and I had just finished wondering vocally, as I always did, how she leads people being that ‘she is so small”. She turned on me and told me straight up; who told you you’re big? you’re also small.
Before then, I had never considered myself as small. I was amidst people who looked like me in stature and height and everything growth related.
Of course, I didn’t think too much of this afterwards. I just assumed she was annoyed.

In A’level, my classmates used to make jest of my “smallness” and likening me to a JSS1 student- I didn’t believe them of course and we always laughed about it.
I knew I didn’t look exactly like my agemates in stature but I didn’t think the differences were so much.
Growing up in a system that placed me in leadership 10 out of 11 times during the course of my primary and secondary education, I always considered myself BIG. Small wasn’t a word I’d ever use to describe myself.

But now…things have changed.
Today, on my way back from work, I was angry.
Angry because, I felt insulted each time my colleagues at work asked for my age, or my class. Angry at their shocked faces whenever they discovered my age and my course and my class in school. Angry at the ones who treated me like a child occasionally.
But, I was most angry at myself for letting this get to me.
Since I began my 21st year, shock at my age is something that has occurred severally in the past 6 months. Ideally, I should be used to it.
I am used to it, but it doesn’t mean I have to be happy because of it.

Some people believe it is something I should be happy about and shouldn’t bother me.
I’ll tell you why it bothers me;
I’m 20 years and 6 months old.
I live with parents who still treat me like I’m 14, who I always have to remind of my age and do not give me the independence a normal 20 year old adult should have (case in point; I can’t just go out when I want to. I don’t even go out, I cannot spend money on things I want or like ). Even they are shocked when I tell them I’m 20. They think I’m 18!
Then, I leave my house and I’m faced with the same thing.
People calling me 15, saying I’m in 200 level, my friends calling me “omo get inside” and generally being treated like a child.
I don’t know how to explain accurately how this makes me feel.
But it makes me feel small. Coupled with the fact that I am female, in patriarchal Nigeria.
Sometimes, I wonder, the men that call out and smile at me on the street, how old do they think I am?

In conclusion, I am grateful that I look young. One vain thing I want in a spouse, is ageless features (that’s what I call it) because I want my children to enjoy it as well.
What I do not appreciate is being treated like a child because I am not a child.
The moment I sense anyone doing this to me, I withdraw from them because I don’t appreciate people making me feel small.
I experience enough of it at home.

I really don’t know the best way to explain this without sounding selfish and ungrateful at the same time.
But…